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The Consequences of Yelling

by bkhoury on March 29, 2012

The other day I made an honest mistake and I truly didn’t even think I had done anything wrong.  This infuriated my husband.  And when I say infuriated I mean infuriated. You see when Ryan get’s angry at me (which isn’t often) he likes to lecture. I had to submit to at least 20 minutes of him repeating why I shouldn’t have done something before he can move on. This particular argument escalated into him shouting at me trying to make me understand his point of view.  It made me feel so horrible on the inside. Being yelled at really tore me down and made me too sad to even cry.

A few nights later I was tucking my son in after a long day at the zoo.  He is a very strong-willed independent little boy.  So much so that he often has a one-track mind when he sets out to achieve something.  These are all very good traits until he refuses to accept help, or if it is at the expense of not listening to his parents.  I find myself yelling at him much more often than my other, more compliant, son.  Today, at the zoo and at dinner, was no exception.

As I looked at his fresh, sweet face all snuggled up in bed, I had a upsetting feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Like me, Will doesn’t cry, he fights back.  Was he experiencing the same feelings I had felt when I was yelled at?  Am I tearing him down and inadvertently making him even more obstinate? 

I asked him with genuine empathy, “When mommy yells at you, that doesn’t make you feel very good does it?”

“No” he said unable to look me in the eyes.

“It makes mommy sad to yell at you too. If you listen better, I won’t have to yell.”

After a feeble nod and a big hug and kiss he drifted off to sleep. 

The next day, I committed myself to no yelling.  We were off to the children’s museum and this would be a monumental task!  But, wouldn’t you know, Will was a model child all day.  I think this may be a chicken and an egg problem: does the yelling come first or the not listening?  Whatever it is, this mommy is going to try to hold her tongue more often.  XOXO, a recovering yeller. 

  • rkomxw

    By yjcbuls on November 23, 2012 at 11:46 PM
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